Livin' the Dream, Chief

I’ve been noticing as I get older that more and more of my conversations include the phrase, “so what do you do?” This used to really get under my skin because what it really means is that a near-stranger is trying to categorize you by what you do to make money. I know I’ve talked about why I think this is wrong at least a few times before, so I’ll spare you the lengthy diatribe.

Suffice it to say, I’ve gotten a lot better at dealing with people asking me this question. Whereas before, I might have just walked away or abruptly and obviously changed the subject or, as I sometimes do, put up my rhetorical dukes, I’d like to think that I’ve gotten a little more graceful over the years. I usually give one of two answers. One: I will say that I’m a writer and then the person will usually ask what I write, to which I will reply, “words, mostly.” Then the conversation is over. Or two: I will answer completely honestly and say that I am a debt collector, an English tutor, an opinion columnist, a purveyor of occasional brunches and a sometimes cupcake-smith.

Now, sometimes this also ends the conversation but most of the time, it makes for some interesting ones. For the most part, people seem to think that this is a strange mix of things to be doing. If you break it down, it makes complete sense, doesn’t it? I collect debts as a primary source of income, because everyone needs a primary source of income. I tutor English for two reasons: As a secondary source of income (because almost everybody needs a secondary source of income) and to assuage my guilt about collecting debts. I write this column because I love to write, am mostly short on time and this forces me to write something coherent (I hope) at least as often as this paper comes out. I am a monthly purveyor of brunches because all of my friends are in the same boat I’m in. Too many jobs and not enough time. Brunches are a chance for us all to make time for one another. I am an occasional cupcake-smith because I secretly love to bake, because my cupcakes are awesome and because I think it’s really fun to hand someone something that they can immediately enjoy.

When broken down, my choices of occupation make complete logical sense. Okay, they make complete logical sense to me. But when taken as a whole, they look strange together, don’t they? Looking at them now, I realize that I’m very grateful for this hodge podge of things to be doing. One of the things I miss most about full-time studenthood is that every day was pretty well rounded. Whereas my days aren’t necessarily well rounded anymore, my months at least are. And I’ve learned a lot of things from all of these different trades. And a surprising amount of what I’ve learned can be attributed to every single one of these experiences. I’m about to share five of these things with you right now.

1.It’s never a bad idea to be polite. Man alive, it’s like being back in kindergarten, isn’t it? “Remember your pleases and thank yous. Say yes ma’am and no ma’am; yes sir and no sir.” I can hear my mom now. “Amanda, remember we’re using our inside voices right now.” Why is it so easy for us to forget these things? Why do we think that because our lives are stressful, that entitles us to stress out everyone around us? It doesn’t! I hear some collectors say things to debtors that literally turn my stomach. In turn, I’ve been on the phone with people who have actually made me cry (and even though I know every woman says this, I’m really not a crier). My students are often times more polite and respectful than some of the adults with whom I interact on a daily basis. That’s really really sad, isn’t it? If there is one thing that I believe to be infallibly true in this world and one thing alone that I could and would impose on people, it would be this – No matter what is going on in your life, no matter how angry you are, no matter how badly you want someone to feel as badly as you feel, there is absolutely no reason to be purposefully unpleasant. It just makes things worse both for you and for everyone who has to deal with you.

2.Do the research. This seems vague when you first look at it, but it could solve an amazing amount of problems if you really think about it. From not calling the wrong person when I’m calling folks to not serving a peanut butter cupcake to someone who I know has a nut allergy, remembering to look into a situation before jumping into it headlong is always a good thing. Think before you speak. Think before you act. Think before you decide. Simple, but it could save your ass a lot more often than you might think.

3.You’re never as stuck as you think you are. I wish I could have gotten this concept through my head a lot sooner than now. I know I’m still pretty young, but this would have been so helpful for me to know right out of college or even right out of graduate school. I tell my debtors this all of the time. There is always a payment plan that is possible. I tell my students this all of the time. There is always another way to look at a piece of information – to absorb it and internalize it so that next time, you’ll remember it. Even for me. I always make a serious effort to remember that no matter how entrenched I feel in what I’m doing or in what I think I know, there is always another way to look at every situation. You’re never too poor, too stupid or too scared to do anything you know you want to do. Even though it’s important to think before you act, it’s equally important not to overthink yourself into inaction.

4.You’re not as unique as you think you are. Ever notice how when you’re feeling angry or upset or conflicted or what have you, you feel like you’re the only person who has ever felt that way before? I’ve been under that impression myself occasionally. It’s really important to remember something, though. YOU’RE NOT! I have to say that even though I’m sometimes guilty of this, I absolutely cannot stand someone who is down in the dumps and would have you believe that a bad day is something which is unique to their experience. It isn’t. Everyone has bad days. Chances are if you are having an emotion, someone else has also had it. And along with this realization should come the realization that everyone else’s feelings and need are equally important as your own. We’re all human, you guys. Not just me. Not just you. All of us. Please behave accordingly.

5.The final word usually isn’t. Have you ever heard the phrase “God helps those who help themselves?” Well I’m not going to pretend to know what God is or is not planning to do, but I will speak to this. Nothing is ever going to happen to you. You have to take steps to make things happen in your life. Everyone in the world can tell you, “you can’t,” or “people just don’t,” or “that’s impossible.” People from all walks of life will make you try to think that they are the final authority on whatever it is you’re talking about. Chances are they aren’t at all. If you want a raise, ask for one. If you want a better job, apply to one. If you like making cupcakes, make them. If you want to be a writer, write.
I think the conclusion I’ve come to at this point in my life is this: You don’t need a career definition to define yourself. You just need to be you and do things. Sometimes they’ll be things that you want to do. Sometimes they’ll be things that you don’t want to do. Sometimes they’ll turn into amazing things and sometimes they won’t. The point is that while none of us may be “living the dream” right now, at least we can say we’re living!