So, you know how I've been doing that opinion column for the Summit County Women's Journal since, like, 2005? Well, now you're all caught up about it, okay? Anyways, I realized this past deadline that I have run out of things to say for the time being, so I decided I'd rather focus on what's going on in other people's lives. Telling, I know, but run with it. So there I am all making desperate pleas on facey-face for people to ask my advice. ANYONE. And no one did.
So I fumed about that for awhile, ruminating on the obviously incorrect notion that I had been abandoned by my friends and loved ones in my hour of need. Woe, you know? Then in a rare moment of reason, I decided to just ask again and blammo. A million ask Manda questions. Literally enough for several columns. I'm answering the questions in the order in which I got them and the WJ comes out every 2 months. So if you already sent a question, you saved my ass from having to come up with some nonsense opinion item and offered me the opportunity to rejuvenate my writing mojo.
So here's the very first Ask Manda. Enjoy!
Ask Manda: A sort-of confessional
Seriously, ask me anything. Just send questions to amanda.vajskop@gmail.com and put “ask manda” in the subject line.
Dear Manda: I started a women’s wine club six years ago. We’ve been lucky to partner with a fantastic wine shop and it’s been a great opportunity for women to bond and become friends. The bad thing is that some of these women have become cliquey and newer members have complained that they feel unwelcome. If they want to have a private party, they should have a private party rather than using this group for their own purposes. Should I approach them individually, or should I send a neutral, “gentle reminder” to the whole group about the need for courtesy? - Ticked Off Wine Czar
I feel your pain, TOWC. Cliquey people really aggravate me, especially in a setting in which the point is to learn something or create a sense of community for all members. It sounds like you’ve really put a lot of time, effort and thought into these events and I think it’s really important to remember that there are members of the group who still are benefiting from the experience. I also think that your statement says it all. If they want to have a private party, let them! What if instead of a confrontation either with these particular individuals or with the entire group, you let them have exactly what they want? Maybe you could suggest that they try to start their own satellite group of the wine club. Sure, it’s a blow to the effort you put into it … or is it? I mean, they’re willing to reap the benefits of the club, but are they willing to do all the legwork that you’ve done? Maybe this is a good opportunity to find out by simply giving them the responsibility for their own satellite group. I find that sometimes the best thing to do with an obnoxious situation is to find a way to wash your hands of it as best you can. Let me know how it goes and have some wine for me, TOWC!
Dear Manda: I am 29 years old and was perfectly healthy until about 2 years ago when I got diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease. This diagnosis has been life changing for me; people really have no clue. I do not look sick and I often pretend like I am not, but every aspect of my life has been truly been effected. All attempts at long term stabilization of my illness have thus far failed, but recently the word "chemotherapy" came up as a "last resort" treatment. Mind you, it is low dose chemo, but it is still chemo. I do not like being known as "sick", especially since I do not look sick. It is hard enough to cope with, without the looks of concern. I have a few close knit friends that know, however I am unsure how to tell people or if I even should about this part of my illness and its progression. – Sick and Tired
It sounds as though you’ve done a really good job of dealing with the situation as it stands and for that, I commend you. The issue of telling your friends is really tough. If it’s important to you to make this issue known at this point, I’d say the best way to do it is bluntly and without any fanfare. There is no point in softening difficult news and with friends, you shouldn’t have to. I think the best you can do is to sit down and have candid and pointed discussions about it with those people in your life with whom you want to share this information. And if it’s important to you not to receive too many “concerned looks,” I don’t think there’s anything in the world wrong with making that clear as well. You have the right to insist that you’re surrounded with helpful people and attitudes throughout this experience.
Dear Manda: I am torn between two places. I currently live in my hometown and I made the decision to do this for several reasons. I want to spend more time with my grandmother, whose health is failing, I like being around familiar places and people and I feel very safe here. However, I’m still young (only 29) and I also want to get out, meet new people and date. How do you choose where you should be? What advice do you have for someone whose heart is torn between spending time with family and branching out for new experiences? I recently had a job offer in a city about three hours away, but fear helped me in the decision to turn it down and wait for the next opportunity? – Geographically Polygamous
GP, you are a woman of my own geographic propensities. The thing that I always forget about these situations is that if a decision is made, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a forever kind of decision. There’s no reason in the world that you shouldn’t be able to get out and do new and different things. Furthermore, it sounds like you feel as though you’re still in your hometown because it feels secure to you. It also sounds as though you have very welcoming family and friends who would both understand if you decided to try something new and would welcome you back home with open arms if you decided that the new thing didn’t work out. You are still young, and if I were in your position (and I have been a couple of times), I’d probably just go for it and see how it turned out. At least you won’t have to wonder about it.
I'm a single twenty something who doesn't care for cooking despite the fact that I come from a long line of chefs. I'm almost embarrassed how much I dislike this domestic task. At my age the family expects me to show up with something other than my appetite. So here is where your help is needed. What do you suggest I bring as my signature dish this holiday season? Furthermore could you recommend simple but yummy dishes I can add to my cooking resume so that one day my splendid dish will lead me straight into a mans heart? Thank you in advance. – Microwave Ladi
ML, what I don’t know about a man’s heart could fill half a stadium, but you could fill the other half with what I know about seeming to be an excellent cook. My advice is this: When in doubt, bring pie. Everybody loves pie. Go to the store and buy a graham cracker crust, 14 ounces of sweetened-condensed milk, eggs, whipped cream and some key lime juice. Separate five eggs (you can google this) and beat the yolks (you can do whatever you want with the whites, but they don’t go in the pie). Add the sweetened condensed milk to the egg yolks. Add half a cup of key lime juice. Mix it, pour it into the graham cracker crust, bake it for fifteen minutes at 375. Put whipped cream on it. People will start calling this “Microwave Ladi’s famous pie.” Let me know how it works out for you!
Okay, so that was it. I'm always taking new questions, so feel free. I'll always either email or physically mail the article to you when one gets published with your question.
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